Well despite words to the contrary.,.. i am still here. lol
After not smoking for nearly 2 weeks, I was really not prepared for the onslaught of emotions, that cigarettes have been snuffing out for such a long time. A lot of stuff came up, & i had a bit of a meltdown, all while angrily smoking 5 packs in 4 days..( nothing or anyone was harmed in the process ) , just myself a bit.... cough cough/ & once again I found myself at that point of feeling, sick and tired, of feeling sick & tired ( i know the cliché,.... groan... but it really is true ! )
I started to do a bit of poking around the interweb, searching among articles pertaining to the mind, body, spirit connection. The one biggest thing i saw in common, was meditation. Looking at all the alternatives, dealing with all this quitting stuff, meditation really looked to be the least harmful of them all. I have done meditation a bit here & there in years past, but never REALLY seriously, until just this week. In those years of past, almost laughable attempts at meditating, I was still indeed searching for some inner peace and all that, but trouble was, i never really "practiced" it.. or really took it seriously... Hence why I have continued to smoke, etc..
I have also recently, realized that my previous approach to meditation, (without realizing it at the time) , was that some of the energy I was meditating with, came from the "ego" as well.... & well, that's really not the way your supposed to do it ! lol
I have learned it is for me only!! ... it is personal, its not something to chat about with to your friends... unless of course, they are supportive & open to spirit & healing in a genuine way, but certainly, not to appear to anyone, that you have it "together" or that your better than anyone else because you “meditate” thats totally not what its about. Even though meditating is truly personal, it is at the same time, also about everyone else. All beings... everything.
Doing some proper meditation, ( for me right now is 20 min or more if I have lots of time, 4 times a day, ) With a candle, & a mindful purposeful "shut down" of everything, getting connected with the "breath" is really, i think, key, into getting out of the constant "cigarette" & "quit smoking" chatter that rolls around in the head all the time. You become alive in a way, that there is just has no room for smoking. Once you let go & get into focused breath, the beautiful & bright healing light each one of us possesses, is revealed & just naturally doesn't think about smoking. Yes the thoughts of a cig come up when i meditate, but i just toss it aside like any of the other 4 million thoughts that come along, just refocus on breath & repeat. It takes a bit of effort & practice, but soon, after a couple of days of steady purposefulness, I have noticed the cravings etc, at least, feel a lot more gentle now. Meditation allows me to get away from myself for a while... sort of like when a roommate is constantly there, then they are gone for a couple hours or days, even if you like them...there is that, “ahhhhhh” kind of feeling right ? Or like a traffic jammed highway, vs the open road, its like that.... at least for me it is. Even if its for 10 min a couple of times a day... but if you truly want to benefit from meditation, it must each time, be done with intent!
I am only in the teeny weeny stages of understanding meditation & what it really means & what it is supposed to be & what its not supposed to be...much of what i am learning right now comes from Buddhist teachings . I find it to be extremely humbling, & yet very gentle at the same time. I also am finding it to be very intellectually stimulating!
So i am on day 2 now of not smoking again & tonight, i made myself a really nice steak & mushroom & onion dinner with roasted garlic, baby potatoes, & cauliflower. Took my time to prepare it, & cook it... enjoying the process, enjoying the smells, constantly bringing myself right back into the moment of what i am doing, any time my mind wandered off, be they thoughts of smoking, or anything that was not conducive to growth & healing. Warmed my dinner plate as a little extra luxury, lol & then sat down, took my time, & enjoyed every delicious bite!!
There is one thing in life though, you can ALWAYS count on, & that is dishes!!!
Tonight, i actually enjoyed doing them! lol .... ( though, there weren't many left, as i clean as i cook ) ;) but what made me enjoy doing the dishes a little bit more than usual, ( ok i never REALLY enjoy doing the dishes... lol ) but today, while out getting the ingredients for my dinner, i saw & purchased for the first time, a natural Basil scented dish soap. I thought I would give it a try. ( i don't have a dishwasher ) Well let me tell you, the scent is fantastic!!! & soooo much nicer than the typical Palmolive or whatever. Its a little more expensive but, its a nice treat for the nose, as I am really noticing the “chemical” smell in so many things now. This Basil scented soap... im telling you... is a treat.
Once I was finished those damn dishes... lol … I sat down to relax, & suddenly thoughts of those here in this forum came to mind, wondering how everyone is doing. Though i wasn't here for very long, the start of my journey to being a non smoker, really started here. I truly felt supported by several of you , alongside your own commitment to stop smoking... & so with the continuance of my wanting to quit, i felt this sudden urge to write this little story, with a thought, that perhaps it might help someone with their struggles of quitting. Remember, this journey is not for anyone but you ! Everyone else in your life will benefit too, but no one else can do the work... Its sort of like when you live alone.... there is no one else thats going to do the damn dishes... lol … but doing the work, it is nice that, when a friend does pop over, they aren't going to see dirty pots & pans everywhere......something like that... lol .
So light that candle... get comfy, sit in lotus, or in a chair or lay down... whatever is comfortable, put on some meditation music if you have other noises that may be distracting... ( kind of like white noise effect, but more soothing ) focus on just simple breathing...close your eyes, visualize your body in 3 dimensions, each section of your body, scan it in your mind, in 3d... visualize it, right down to your bones.... from the top of your head, to the tips of your toes, down your arms, to your fingertips. Take your time, notice each individual part of your body.... shoulder, arm elbow, wrist, fingers.... sensing each part muscle tendon bone. Breathe & breathe....& breathe again.... you are very much alive!
If you do this correctly, with practice, you will notice that the, "calm" carries with you long after the meditation.... After doing this a few times, you will begin to look forward to, more than anything else, another meditation! seriously !@
cigarettes ?? ... whats a cigarette ?
There are many many good meditations on youtube... find something that resonates with you....& enjoy....
Anyways,.,, thats my say for today....
i hope you all have a really really good day.... on purpose !