Here's my story.
I tried cigarettes for the first time when I was about 6. Gross! Dad left a pack in our camping trailer and I tried them - got caught. They were truly disgusting.
I swore them off until I was an early teen. Then "looking cool" around older kids started my road down tobacco use.
Through highschool - I "smoked when I drank" - which was every couple of weekends. I would share a pack, but would nmever bring the pack home. I didn't want to get caught and I didn't want the tempation.
In university, I moved out on my own, and socializing became more frequent and I wasn't living under my parent's roof - so my rules now. I began to buy my own packs, kept them around the house, didn't always have them on me.
My profressional life started and I began to smoke at work, but never at home. Smoke breaks were a social club for years and that continued from 1998 until 2006. I then changed and opted, for some reason, to no longer smoke at work, but just smoke at home. THe amount didn't change, just the times in which I had them. I would now condense my intake between 5p-12a as opposed to 9a-5p.
I've always, as an adult, smoked when I do certain things - play softball, play golf, at parties. But, I knew I had to quit, but didn't have the desire to quit - even knowing the damage I was doing to myself. At some point, during Covid and spending a lot of time by myself and dealing with my ongoing divorce, I knew I had to quit. I timed the quitting with my move so I could establish new routines and new and better habits.
Between when I started full time to today, I have quit 3 times totalling 5+ years. My last attempt was during a move and it lasted a year, but my then wife didn't quit and it make it difficult having them around. I was impressed with my 1 year, but less impressed when I pciked htm back up.
So, as I write this, I'm 20 days in - have had a few cravings, but nothing I couldn't address. What I am struggling with is the increased irritability I've noticed this week (week 3). I'm very snappy, short with my kids, etc. and they don't deserve that. They also don't know that I smoked (they're both under 10 and I hid if from them - as does my ex who hides both cigarettes and weed from the kids). So, I hope this irritability calms down soon...and it's the thing that gets me going and is the only thing that's lead to my major cravings/inlkings to go have a cigarette.